Just got home... Its been a good day. Went out to meet Andy at citylink's Pacific Coffee. Patricia was there as well... Pat was talking about how hard it is to find a job these days. Made me share about my fears in supporting myself next time. Pat left at 5-ish so Andy and I went down to borders to look for John Mayer's album. When we reached there, found that it was cheaper at HMV. So headed back to City Link. Met up with Cheng, Ziig and Pam at City Hall MRT. We headed down to Katong for Laksa and went to play CS after that. I dunno what was with me today. Felt super comical. Kept making crazy jokes and doing stupid things... hahaha...

Here's a riddle... I managed to solve it. If you want to know the right answer, can ask me cos there's something wrong with the site... The linking a bit buggy.

This is from the programme booklet from Youth Camp in December 2002.
Reality causes scars. You can't imagine how difficult this is for me. I see her everyday and basically its killing me. Talked to Andy & JianPing last night. Both mean well but have little understanding of the effort I put into the relationship. Maybe too much of my own effort. I don't understand how she and 'R' liked each other so quickly after we broke up. I just wish she had been truthful. Feel like talking to her tomorrow to lay things in the open but I dunno if that would be good. Then again, I don't feel like talking to her because I've lost my respect for her. Will see what God says. (I didn't talk to her at the youth camp) God's been good... He's been my only source of comfort these 2 months. Only when I'm in His presence does the pain ever go away. Like a painkiller.

Its good to see how far I've come since then. I honestly thought that I'd never get out of that slump... It wasn't easy though. Trying to put on a brave front and being dragged down again repeatedly. I finally had to let God handle it. I couldn't take it anymore. Now I have a new battle... Worrying about finding the right one. I'm afraid of the amount of 'conditions' that need to be met... Am I being too 'choosy'? Am I setting too high a 'standard'? Do I have to compromise? But there are some things that cannot be compromised?

Sigh... I remember wishing that I was super good looking. Just to know how it feels like? Good looking people generally get better treatment from people. Don't tell me I'm being paranoid. I've actually observed how people behave towards ordinary people and towards good looking people. Like it or not. This is how life is. Which brings me back to the point. Am I saying that looks don't matter? For me, its does matter, but only up to a point. For example, it won't make me fall in love with someone with a horrible personality.
I mentioned that I wasn't a fighter in my last entry... I would not fight or compete for someone I liked or loved. Unromantic? Think about it before you pass that comment. Why should I have to fight in the first place? I'm not going to do something that would just make the girl feel good about herself? "Oh, look at me... I'm surrounded by suitors!" No way! Of course I won't say, "This is me. Take it or leave it." But I feel that if I have to keep trying to impress her, its not worth it. I believe that a girl should be honest about her feelings. If she doesn't like me, tell me...

This post is quite long. Enough blabbering for one night. Time to go to bed... Goodnight!